Right now this blog is my little secret. I’ve not told any of the area infertility bloggers I casually know. I mentioned it to my best friend, but she’s overwhelmed with a new baby and toddler and, by her own description, not really into blogs. I asked HoneyBee for advice regarding our anonymity (and how to ensure it) before I put up the first post, but he has a very strong sense of privacy, and even though I don’t have a problem with him reading, I doubt he will feel comfortable just checking in.

This leaves me pretty sure that I can write whatever I want right now and not have to worry about the reactions of others, both IRL and in the blogosphere, but the key phrase is, “right now.” What happens if this blog slowly becomes more public? Will I regret earlier writings? I’m not expecting to be controversial, but I’m sensitive, especially about infertility and our personal choices. I’m relatively open with most friends about my general situation, but I’m less vocal with some family, and only a few friends and my sister know about the m/c. I don’t expect people IRL to track this blog down (nor is there really reason for them to bother), but what if they find it? How will I feel?

How much should I edit and limit? How much of myself should I spill on the web? Will I later regret if I share too much? How do I feel about advertising our choices to the web and opening myself up to the judgments of others?

I’m also not exactly sure how this blog is going to grow. I really don’t want it to become a pile of bitching or a pity party. As much as I love a chance to moan, I squirm at the idea of a me me me complain-athon as that seems really narcisistic, and I doubt anyone would really want to read it. I’d like to use it as a space to ruminate on larger issues in infertility and illness, but a little mean voice in my head keeps saying, “What makes you think anyone wants to hear what you have to say?”.

For now I’d like to get my feet wet, talk about some of the issues rattling around my brain lately and see what larger topics strike my fancy as I get more comfortable.

So, Future Readers, if there ever are any of you and you read back through old posts, please be gentle and remember the beginning stages of any project are a time of growing pains.

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