Why is it that hospitals can’t get with 2008 and buy pads with adhesive backing? What is with the enormous pads/mesh panties combo? I’m sure when they invented adhesive backing for pads it left a lot of unsold inferior pads that were made to go with those snazzy belt contraptions my mother told me about, but haven’t we worked through the surplus by now? Is someone somewhere is still manufacturing pads without adhesive specifically for hospitals to give out as a set with the mesh panties?

As for the mesh panties, I thought about torturing HoneyBee with them, but I realized that if the lights were low enough he might think they were a misguided attempt to sex it up with some unorthodox, ghostly white, flammable, fishnet boyshorts, and the small chance that the mesh panties could possibly lead to some lovin’ is one I’m not willing to risk. My best friend assures me that she has some extras  from the box of maternity-ward freebies if I get nostalgic for this scratchy, yet freakishly stretchy, granny-panty, see-through porn disaster. Don’t worry, I’m willing to share.

I used tampons the first time I got my period.  The alternative felt like a diaper and gave me a rash….furthering the diaper parallel. Even the word “pad” sounds icky to me. I find it especially annoying that ever since I started the infertility saga I’ve had to use more pads than ever before in my life. After HSG, check, after miscarriage, check, after laparoscopy, check, while using Prometrium up my girly bits over and over, check (well, liners, but still). Enough with the diapers, err I mean pads. I want a chance to use diapers on a baby, not myself.

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