is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

 I’m going to take a HPT tomorrow morning. Who am I kidding? I’ll probably pick up a 2 pack and do one tonight too.  If I’m going to fall off the wagon I might as well go on an all out binge.

I feel like crap. This is after a few weeks of feeling progressively better on the increased Plaquenil with more energy and better sleep.  Last night I had awful cramps that felt very similar to PMS cramps, my sleep has been a mess eventhough I’ve barely been able to get out of bed the last few days.  I’m nauseous and everything smells and tastes funny. Maybe it’s just a virus or something? Depression-can my body be feeling my blue mood? I think I’m having some sort of hysterical pregnancy where I want it so badly my body is pretending that I’m pregnant.

I logically know that I can’t be. I didn’t spend a thousand dollars and shoot myself up with drugs, and even that doesn’t guarantee success. Why do I do this to myself?