fake it ’til you make it Monday, Nov 24 2008 

Like the tried and true advice from grandmothers everywhere, “If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all, ” I’m operating under the assumption  that since  I don’t have anything interesting to say I should just be silent. I’m feeling a bit blah in general. I think it has to do with the cold, overcast days, the lack of time with Honey Bee, and the knowledge that time is slipping away but we’re unable to move forward with more fertility treatments right now.

I’m not feeling the holidays yet. I’ve never been a RAH RAH HOLIDAYS YAY! kind of person, but I like the excuse to see family and friends and eat yummy treats (like mashed potatoes) and sleep and sit by a fire.  I need to perk up and practice my other favorite cliche piece of advice, “Fake it ’til you make it.”

So, in the spirit of “fake it ’til you make it,” I’m thankful for:

my sister’s mashed potatoes

red wine

family and friends

the fact that I have several family building options available to me (I’m looking at you, states that recently restricted adoption to married aka: heterosexual couples-kind, loving parents come in all sorts of packages, and we will be better off as a society once we recognize this)

the sunny vacation I’m planning in my head

sarcasm and inappropriate humor

Illness Monday, Oct 27 2008 

I’ve been on the Plaquenil for my auto-immune issues for 8 weeks now. Unfortunately, this drug works very slowly, and most people need to give it 6 months to really see if it will or won’t help. The side effects suck. Nightmares, sleep disturbance, nausea-not fun, but I told my doctor I want to stick with it for the whole 6 month trial. I may be seeing some very subtle improvement in the last week, but I don’t want to get my hopes up.

Thanks to Dr. Google I found a few case reports of women with POF or with anovulatory cycles that started ovulating after taking Plaquenil. Theoretically this is a possible outcome as it’s an immune modulator, and if there was an immune issue causing the ovualtion disorder, the Plaquenil might correct enough for ovulation to occur. Given we don’t know for sure my POF is immune related (but it’s highly likely), and I’m talking about a few case reports where ovulation may or may not have been causally related to the medicine versus actual studies, I feel a bit ridiculous admitting that part of the reason I’m so dedicated to giving the Plaquenil the ol’ college try is that I secretly hope I’ll ovulate. The kicker is that I have some training in statistics. I know better.

The Score: Hope: 1 Reality: 0